


and if i see you in the darkness (i will be your comfort)

by lesbianchiyo



Category: Ookiku Furikabutte | Big Windup!
Genre: Dissociation, Established Relationship, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:55:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28439475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbianchiyo/pseuds/lesbianchiyo
Summary: Comfort through the form of words and kisses.
Relationships: Abe Takaya/Mihashi Ren
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	and if i see you in the darkness (i will be your comfort)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nyuuuuuko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyuuuuuko/gifts).



> [hand to hold](https://youtu.be/WoOgvUq8qtY)  
> \--  
> i was in the mood for angst and well nyuuuuuko requested some soft taka so tada! this was super self-indulgent and i will be honest and say i've been feeling very disconnected lately so this is kind of a vent?

It hit him like a truck, a thought that started in the back of his mind and grew and grew until it was all he could hear. It ate away at him, blurring his surroundings -- dragging him into the unknown. His mind was the _unknown_. And his thoughts were like quicksand, dragging him deeper and deeper every time he struggled against them, and fought against his own mind.

Against himself he’d always lose, he couldn’t pull himself from the quicksand. He could only struggle against it. 

* * *

The thought grew louder throughout the day, distracting him from his everyday tasks. He had barely noticed when the tip of his pencil broke or when his eraser left a smudge of pink or when Tajima pulled his chair over to join him for lunch. 

Everything around him felt blurry, like he stood alone in the moving world. The time around him moved, but he himself was stuck and invisible. He was watching the day pass from the sidelines, unable to control his spinning thoughts and his own body. He could barely pick up his chopsticks and when he did, he left his carrots. He could barely remember what they tasted like -- were they really his favorite?

He didn’t hear a word Tajima said all throughout lunch and he hadn’t noticed when Izumi joined them. And when the other two boys pulled away for nap time, he didn’t even have the energy to try and sleep. Instead he stared down at his leftover pile of carrots -- he had already forgotten what the rest of his lunch had tasted like, barely remembered if he had even actually eaten anything. He did right? Because he felt unbearably empty. 

* * *

  
"Mihashi!” 

He watched the ball roll across the field, before it disappeared from his view. He had missed Abe’s mitt once again; how many times had they tried?

“What’s up with you today?” Abe joined him, his words thick with worry. But to him, they were muffled, a distant sound. Was Abe even really there? Did he really see him? Or was he invisible? He felt invisible. 

“I-I don’t…know.” He couldn’t even hear himself. He felt uneasy, a sense of dread washing over him could Abe really hear him? Even when he couldn’t hear himself. He sucked in a deep breath. “I-” 

He jumped when Abe placed a comforting hand on his shoulder; his hand was hot. It was the only thing he felt, a patch of heat against his cool shoulder. 

“Let’s go to the bathroom.” It was nothing but a muffled whisper, a vibration against his ear drum. He nodded anyway, letting Abe’s hand find his. The patch of heat ran from his shoulder down to his fingertips. He squeezed his hand and Abe squeezed it back. 

Nobody stopped them on the way to the bathroom, although the empty school hallways made him feel uneasy. It was quiet, too quiet. His thoughts had even ceased their bickering. Instead they left him with a heavy feeling of dread, blurry vision and muffled hearing. 

“Ren?” 

The patch of heat ran from his fingertips to his cheeks. He blinked at the boy, tried to make out his green eyes in the blurry mess. 

“Hey, hey.” Abe’s voice was so soft, he could barely make out what he was saying. He could barely feel the vibration anymore -- instead the fan blowing inside the bathroom disoriented him even more. “Baby?” 

“L-louder.” He raised his own hands -- his fingertips already cooling -- to touch Abe’s. “T-Talk louder.” 

He paused, focusing on the heat enveloping his face and hands. He still couldn’t make out Abe’s face, although the green of his eyes stood out against his tanned skin. 

“Let's sit down.” He raised his voice just slightly, and Ren focused on it. Focused on the way it buzzed inside his ear, over powering the ring that followed the blasting fan. “Come on.” 

Abe lowered them slowly, turning Ren so he could rest his back against the wall. He did just that, sliding down and pulling his knees to his chest -- Abe’s arms rested on his knees; the heat spreading. 

“Shh. What happened?” He kept his voice loud and Ren focused on it, squeezing Abe’s hands -- which still rested on his cheeks -- for comfort. 

“D-Don’t know.” 

He really didn’t know, nothing had happened. He hadn’t heard anything, watched anything to trigger it. He just woke up with a burning thought that told him he and everything around him was _fake._

“Is it _that_?” Abe rubbed his thumb and down softly, he was unbothered when Ren pushed his nails into the skin of his hand and nodded. 

This was something Abe had experienced before, dealt with -- they had even discussed ways to break it, calm him. It still didn’t stop Ren from feeling guilty and even the guilt brought on more sense of dread -- What if even Abe was fake? Is that why he couldn’t hear him well? 

“I’m real.” Abe leaned closer, pressing his forehead to Rens. He spoke again, louder this time. “I’m real and you are real.” 

His eyes burned, tears threatening to spill past his waterline. And just made a small feeling of relief filled him, he sighed out. 

“This is all very real, I promise.” 

He opened his mouth to speak, but Abe stopped him. 

“No. Don’t start, shhh.” He held his face softly, pressing his forehead harder against Ren’s. “I exist, you are not thinking up me, or my words.” 

The first tear was big and hot, it dropped from his eye before wetting Abe’s hand. The boy was the most unbothered Ren had ever seen, he just lifted his head to press a big wet kiss against Ren’s forehead before wiping his tears away with a swipe of his thumb. 

“You’re okay, baby.” He pressed another kiss to Ren’s forehead before speaking again, “You’re alive. I’m alive. We’re alive.” 

Each word that slipped from Abe’s mouth was louder than the last, the fan that had been unbearably loud was nothing but whisper now. A tickle in the back of Ren’s ears -- Abe’s words became his bickering thoughts. 

He nodded, raising his face. A habit he had started -- asking for a kiss without speaking. 

Abe smiled, and a couple more tears slipped from Ren’s eyes. Tears of relief. He could make out the curve of Abe’s lips, the crinkles around his eyes and most of all his sparkling green iris. 

He gave Ren his wish, pressing a soft kiss against Ren’s already puckered lips. He held them there for a couple seconds, before pulling away to wipe away the rest of Ren’s tears. 

“You’re okay.” 

Ren puckered his lips again, asking for another one and Abe delivered. 

“You exist.” 

He kissed him for the third time.

“I exist.” 

Ren spoke after the fourth kiss. 

“I-I...love you, Taka.” 

Abe answered after the fifth kiss. 

“I love you too, baby.”


End file.
